| theres a wolf at the door... |
[09 Dec 2003|10:09pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Thaw ::: Converge |
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yea..erm. i think i'm going to stop using this journal. at least for a while.. i have another one. and if you're really interested in reading entries from that please leave a message here and i shall add you. :)
oki
aye...
heather. [the zero] [ps. this journal will still remain open because it serves as a nice reminder of old times which were good, and it has quite a lot of lyrics on it i'd like to remember]
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[07 Dec 2003|03:50pm] |
an interesting but true thought on life. from deadforsure, courtesy of sivan
at approximately 9 p.m on the 31st of october my left lung collapsed. happy halloween. after three hours of getting hooked up to machines, being pushed around in a wheelchair, saying "fuck, this really sucks." and being consoled by cesar's mom i had the pleasure of having a tube the size of a garden hose inserted into my chest. local anaesthesia sucks. they couldn't put me under for the operation and i'm pretty sure they forced the tube in with a crowbar. if i was a junkie, i would definitely be hooked on morphine though. after the tube was inserted, it was hooked to a pump that sucked out the air around my lung. i spent the next 4 days only able to walk about 10 feet from my bed. i could reach the bathroom at least, but my roommate wasn't too thrilled that i had to piss with the door open. one of my friends who visited me asked how it felt to be so close to invalidity or death and be able to laugh about it a couple of days later. i hadn't actually thought about it that way. during the whole ordeal the thought never crossed my mind that i could have very easily been in a wheelchair for the rest of my life or even died if something had gone wrong. what if it had been both lungs? what if it had been my heart? what if i had just ignored the pain when i first noticed it? what if they doctor screwed up and made everything that much worse? everything that i take for granted in my daily life could have disappeared in a matter of hours. the more i thought about it the more i realized that we go through life with a false sense of invincibility. we are constantly in the balance between life and death and we don't give it a second thought. our bodies are by no means perfect. at any given time your vital organs could shut down for no apparent reason. our lives are entrusted to everyone that surrounds us. every person in a vehicle. every person preparing your food. every airplane pilot or train conductor. every doctor or nurse. almost every person you come in contact with or situation that you find yourself in has the capacity to kill you. i don't know about you, but that scares the hell out of me. so what can we do? how can we be happy living a life with the fear of death constantly hanging over us? how can we even afford to leave our homes knowing that we may never make it back to them? over 2 million people die every year in the united states. it's unavoidable, deal with it. take advantage of everything you have while you still can. tell your mother you love her on a regular basis. throw out your television. ride your bicycle. tell your friends how much they mean to you. if it makes you unhappy, don't do it. if it makes you happy, make it a priority. spend as much time as you can singing and dancing. kiss someone. don't wait too long. you never know when the time you put it off until tomorrow is going to be your last chance.
tis true. tis.
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| i bet you like it...uur.. |
[04 Dec 2003|11:11pm] |
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music |
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mercedes - team sleep |
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i have started the 'save the emo' fund... to get me to t in the park and get me somewhere to stay so that i can go to thrice in march.. ahhh..
yay.
i conquered the duck tin and painted it silver!! woo.
so.. i have.. like.. 1.60 or some ridiculous number.. oops :S.
least i try!
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[04 Dec 2003|12:50am] |
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music |
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radiohead - 2+2 = 5 |
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2 + 2 = 5
Are you such a dreamer To put the world to rights? I stay home forever Where two and two always makes a five
I'll lay down the tracks sandbag and hide January has April showers And two and two always makes a five
It's the devil's way out And there's no way out You can scream and you can shout It's too late now
Because you're not there payin' attention payin' attention payin' attention payin' attention yeah im not feeling it, i needed attention payin’ attention payin’ attention payin’ attention yeah i need it, i needed attention i needed attention i needed attention i needed attention yeah i love it, the attention payin’ attention payin’ attention payin’ attention
i try to sing along but the music's all wrong cos i’m not cos i’m not i’ll swallow up flies ? back and hide but i’m not oh hail to the thief oh hail to the thief but i'm not but i'm not but i'm not but i'm not don't question my authority or put me in the box cos i'm not cos i'm not oh go up to the king, and the sky is falling in but its not but its not maybe not maybe not
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| it doesn't mean i don't desire.. |
[02 Dec 2003|10:54pm] |
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mood |
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full |
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music |
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schism - tool (i'm in a wierd mood) |
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You Lied - peach.
Setting sun can't shine now you're gone,
Inside sleeping, my heart beating,
You know that you tried to hide it,
Shouldn't you have said what you meant?
Time heals, time congeals around us,
Painless hours of endless motion,
Understanding's not demanding,
You can't hide what you feel inside.
You lied.
everything is slowly beginning to pile up on top of me. bugger.
at least i still have the christmas sleep to look forward to...
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[01 Dec 2003|08:38pm] |
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music |
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Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria ... Glory Fades |
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Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades Keep the noise low she doesn’t want to blow it, shaking head to toe while your left hand does the "show me around", quickens your heartbeat it beats me straight into the ground. You don’t recover from a night like this. a victim still lying in bed completely motionless. a hand moves in the dark to a zipper. hear a boy bracing tight against sheets barely whisper, "this is so messed up". Upon arrival the guests had all stared. dripping wet and clearly depressed he'd headed straight for the stairs no longer cool but a boy in a stitch unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships. he keeps his hands low he doesn’t want to blow it he's wet from head to toe and his eyes give her the up and the down his stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up but the body on the bed beckons forward and he starts growing up. the fever the focus the reasons that I had to believe you weren't to hard to sell. Die young and save yourself! the tickle the taste of, it used to be the reason I breathed but now it's choking me up. Die young and save yourself! she hits the lights this doesn’t seem quite fair despite everything he learned from his friends he doesn’t feel so prepared, she's breathing quiet and smooth, he is gasping for air. this is the first and last time he says she fakes a smile and presses her hips into his. he keeps his hands pinned down at his sides he's holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like. he is a lamb she is the slaughter she's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her nothing that he tells her's really having an effect he whispers that he loves her but she's probably only looking for... so much more than he could ever give a life free of lies and a meaningful relationship he keeps his hands pinned down at his sides he waits for it to end and for the aching in his guts to subside. the fever the focus the reasons that I had to believe you weren't to hard to sell. Die young and save yourself! the tickle the taste of, it used to be the reason I breathed but now it's choking me up. Die young and save yourself! up the stairs: the station where the act becomes the art of growing up. the fever the focus the reasons that I had to believe you weren't to hard to sell. Die young and save yourself! the tickle the taste of, it used to be the reason I breathed but now it's choking me up. Die young and save yourself!
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| ..i want you to know.. theres no going back... |
[30 Nov 2003|02:31am] |
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mood |
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awake |
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because i obviously need my ego boosts.. *rolls eyes*
- I ____ heather. - heather is ____. - If I were alone in a room with heather, I would ____. - I think heather should ____. - heather needs ____. - heather will never ____. - I want to _____ heather. - heather can ____ my _____. - When I think about heather, I ____. - Someday heather will _____. - heather reminds me of _____. - Without heather, ____. - Memories of heather are ____. - heather can be ____. - ____ is how I describe meeting heather. - Worst thing about heather is ____. - Best thing about heather is _____. - heather _____. - I read heather's journal because _____.
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| hmm.. |
[28 Nov 2003|11:16pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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existentialism on prom night - straylight run, |
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i'm beginning to consider gigs for the next 4 months or so, at the moment i'm down to this short list of tickets i need to buy. soon...
Tues 9 DEC Strike Anywhere Nice 'n' Sleazy (Glas) £6.50 ( brackets ) Thur 11 DEC Bouncing Souls The Cathouse (Glas) £9.00 Fri 12 DEC Dillinger Escape Plan Cathouse (Glas) £9.00( aside ) Sun 14 DEC Hell is for Heroes Garage (Glas) £9.00 Wed 21 JAN Brand New King Tuts (Glas) £8.00 [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-cut="aside>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <small>i'm beginning to consider gigs for the next 4 months or so, at the moment i'm down to this short list of tickets i need to buy. soon...
Tues 9 DEC Strike Anywhere Nice 'n' Sleazy (Glas) £6.50 <lj-cut text='brackets'>may not go, just because i think it'll be over 18s, and i hate the trying to get into over 18s things.</lj-cut> Thur 11 DEC Bouncing Souls The Cathouse (Glas) £9.00 Fri 12 DEC Dillinger Escape Plan Cathouse (Glas) £9.00<lj-cut text=aside>actually, i have a ticket, i just need to pay lynn back, which i shall do, i promise</lj-cut> Sun 14 DEC Hell is for Heroes Garage (Glas) £9.00 Wed 21 JAN Brand New King Tuts (Glas) £8.00 <lj-cut="aside #2">this is the most important one i need a ticket for at present</lj-cut> Thur 5 FEB Sick Of It all King Tuts (Glas) £8.00 : which is now over 14s. Fri 6 FEB A Perfect Circle - SECC (hall 2) £16.50 Fri 13 FEB The Distillers Barrowland (Glas) £10.00 <lj-cut="aside #3">i don't really need to see them, but it'll be a nice change from every other band i feel like seeing</lj-cut> Thur 26 FEB Damien Jurado Nice 'n' Sleazy (Glas) £6.00 <lj-cut text='aside #4'>i don't know why i want to see damien, but he's an odd fellow, country singer.. bit of a 'pisstake' i suppose, maybe i'll drop that</lj-cut>
but there are also a few other gigs i'd like to consider
Mon 15 december: Arab Strap: G2 (Glas) £11.00 Mon 26 january: Matchbook Romance : King Tuts (Glas) £7.00 (funeral for a friend are playing the nme tour that night. but i've seen them twice, and matchbook romance will be on their first time over, which will be interesting, i can't help that i enjoy them. :$) Tues 23 march: Isis : King Tuts (Glas) £8.50
and of course Tues 16 march: Kraftwerk: Carling Academy (Glas) £20.00 and 12/13 Mar Bear In the Big Blue House SECC £15.00 (heres one for you lynn)
so... anyone want to donate tickets.. : D *coughs*
didn't think so..
i have odd taste in music i have realised. ooh, but, i am going to have seen radiohead in 48 hours.. i was listening to their 'i might be wrong' live recording ep. i can't wait to hear national anthem live.. and no alarms and no surprises, and packt like sardines, arg.... i could go on for hours.. its strange, but no matter how deeply off track my interests can go.. for example, the red chord and earth crisis, the notwist or damien jurado.. but i always like to honour my roots, and radiohead are definetely part of my roots. thanks to my dad, who doesn't really appreciate them in quite the way i do..
but yea, i'll always love bands that i was brought up with when i was young. we all do.
i'm so excited... can't you tell?
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[28 Nov 2003|05:24pm] |
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music |
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lost prophets - Lately (Demo) |
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lately - lost prophets
A photograph, left by my feet, reminds me of times once left behind. A distant; a well-worn fad. These things left to pass but I feel that I’ve Seen too many, Complications; never goin’ to waste my time You might find out, never will doubt, harder to pretend.
Tell me that its worth fighting Tell me that I don’t care Tell me that I’m all right and I don’t need happiness
Yea-eah
Go-one don’t go-oo
These stations so empty Find safety in your broken arms A steady smile; a well worn frown. Time gets you down but I know that you: Seen to many complications never goin’ to waste my time You might find out never could doubt, harder to pretend.
Tell me that its worth fighting Tell me that I don’t care Tell me that I’m all right and I don’t need happiness
Yea-eah
Go-oo, don’t you Don’t
Don’t Don’t Don’t Don’t
You might find out, never could doubt harder to pretend.
Yeah
Tell me that its worth fighting Tell me that I don’t care Tell me that. Tell me that, why you salivate
Yea-eah
A steady smile with a well-worn frown But I know you’ll be gone when I won’t come down And I sit here feelin’ that you’re not around Nobodies fallen apart don’t need to know what your thinkin now Yo-ou don’t Don’t Don’t Don’t Doooon’t.
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| all the news reports recommended that i stay indoors.. |
[27 Nov 2003|06:53pm] |
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music |
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The Postal Service - We Will Become Silhouettes, the hope conspiracy - fragile |
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today i had one of those cravings for a time that has long since dissappeared.
they say ignorance is bliss, they don't know how fucking right they were..
what do i want? i don't know. i suppose i just want to understand why things work out the way that they do. do i honestly believe my whim will be fulfilled? no, you can never regain times, once you've lost them.
but what do want to do now? i guess i want to make up for lost time, time is all i really need now.
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[26 Nov 2003|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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*sigh* |
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music |
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name - the goo goo dolls, 16 bit fingerprint - the red chord |
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( ..if you )
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[25 Nov 2003|06:42pm] |
everything is killing you these days.. the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the jooce you drink
it seems everything we need to live kills us eventually.
soon we'll be told that oxygen is a killer.
just say no.
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[23 Nov 2003|10:50am] |
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music |
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onelinedrawing - be quiet and drive (acoustic) |
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i don't have a word to say that wouldn't make you feel low.
so it shall just have to remain inside me. where it can't hurt you.
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| one of those songs you just shouldn't like.. but you do.. |
[22 Nov 2003|12:51am] |
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music |
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Gary Jules - Mad World |
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I can't get out of bed today Or get you off my mind I just can't seem to find a way To leave the love behind
I ain't trippin I'm just missing (you) You know what I'm saying You know what I mean
You kept me hanging on a string While you made me cry I tried to give you everything But you just gave me lies
I ain't trippin I'm just missing (you) You know what I'm saying You know what I mean (yeah)
Every now and then When I'm all alone I be wishing you will call me on the telephone Say you want me back But you never do I feel like such a fool There's nothing I can do.. I'm such a fool For you
I can't take it what am i waiting for? my hearts still breaking I miss you even more And I can't fake it The way I could before I hate you, but I love you I can't stop thinking of you! It's true I'm stuck on you
Now love's a broken record that's Been skipping in my head I keep singing yesterday Why we got to play these games we play?
I ain't trippin I'm just missing (you) You know what I'm saying You know what I mean (yeah)
Every now and then When I'm all alone I be wishing you would call me on the telephone Say you want me back But you never do I feel like such a fool
I can't take it what am i waiting for? my hearts still breaking I miss you even more And I can't fake it The way I could before I hate you, but I love you I can't stop thinking of you! It's true I'm stuck on you (yoooh-oooh-ooh yeah yeah)
Every now and then When I'm all alone I be wishing you would call me on the tel-e-phone Say you want me back But you never do I feel like such a fool There's nothing I can do.. I'm such a fool For you
I can't take it what am i waiting for? my hearts still breaking I miss you even more And I can't fake it The way I could before I hate you, but I love you I can't stop thinking of you- I hate you, but I love you I can't stop thinking of you (don't know what to do) I'm stuck on you
to make up for this ( radiohead lyrics )
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| fox, fox fox fox fox fox fox fox |
[19 Nov 2003|11:05pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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this post is about fox _hey_loser_kid who is muchos amazing, and should get more recognition.
she came to see emberfall with me on sunday, which was fun, even if she 'didn't like that melodic stuff' much :p and she and her family are well too accepting of me. hehe.
she's also going to see dillinger escape plan. lynn = definitive hXc chickadea.
yes.. i know how you feel.
but lynn is still cool, she's listened to my shit, and she's dealt with it, and whatever she is going through i will still love her.
*hugs* that is a promise.
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[19 Nov 2003|10:24pm] |
my afternoon after school was quite lovely.
i met sean at 5:20 and he'd forgotten my book and stuff, but we went to borders instead, and after talking to one of seans old friends, lucy, we wandered about the books and discussed stuff, then went and i got hot chocolate and we sat in starbucks just talking about stuff.. i got cream on my nose.. :S
but its cool, sean managed to retain some sort of composure :p but he also gave me another book which he said is 'Thom Yorke's favourite book of all time'
anyways, we talked about peoples and about books and i'm now going to write a letter to someone important.
yea, i believe we talked for well over an hour and were just leaving borders around some time to 7..
we bumped into sproggin and sean, tipyrbartender finally met!!
sean be nasty, he kept talking about tool when he saw them at the barras , grr..
erm..
then sean and i went and he got his train and i went to go get my bus.
i did not.. because instead i met mjaay and purdie.. and they somehow convinced me to go see mendeed.
jen and evil_dave were also there. me and dave wandered, and i made fun of people with jen and with mjaay and purdie.
i was bored.. then yeaa.. i left about 8:50.. and went to get my bus.. then walked from clarkston..
my afternoon. was good.
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[16 Nov 2003|04:41pm] |
i'm wearing this mad blue-ish sweater mon pere just gave me.. tis itchy wool, but it actually feels no bad. goo mee and my looking like a grunge grampa!
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| shiter of a night.. |
[16 Nov 2003|01:30am] |
....nah, i'm kiddin bout that..
today i did very little
i played emogame 2. and i cannot find all the pieces for level 3. i = uno dunce-o. feck
then i went into town. the 44 is evil went to get my ctc ticket.. there were none left.. nearly cried went to fopp. got far - water and solutions for one five pound note
go meee..
but.. ended up being dragged to cathouse. made mark pissed at me by my complainin *fuck fuck stupid twat*
i should be more sensitive to peoples feelings... i know..
phil (bouncer) gave me CDs. shai hulud and strike anywhere tracks. brilliant. they played nerdy, streaks in the sky, kill me quickly, an avenged sevenfold track(cannot for the life of me remember the name), the shooting star that destroyed us all...
erm.. then me and bam left and had a nice wee talk. she seemed quite upset, but i hope she's ok now. i saw random school peoples.. they were.. er.. random. oh yea.. kissed sam. we really need to stop doing that.
saw nick, purdie, stuart and bam all go away off to their station then went to central to wait for fandyxcore forxsure, x_oldscratch_x distillers gill, and richey, who were both also getting ra EK train.
after random escapades on my own, i bumped into both parties separately and then we(me and young gill) somehow.. managed to coax fandarew onto the train before it left without us.
so, we sat discussing things on the train and then after richey got off, we got to clarkston and started trekking up to gills. gills house is well semi according to fandy. and me and fandy were treated to jooce, crisps and chocolatey goodness. : ) oh yea, and gill has a wooden phone!! which i used to call ma mere.
so, there was sitting and much discussion of people and of random things. bits of bitching. i kinda sat there like 'humm dumm'.
then i was walked to the bottom of the driveway, and i started to trek home.. all by my lonersome. but twas ok.. the temperature was just obscene though.
got home. my mum was mad, she thought i'd be home earlier.. somehow managed to get her to relapse on me by saying that i'd just missed the bus cause i had to walk down the hill.. she believed me.. yash. :D
anyways. i = quite tired.. but yea. weekend wasn't as bad as i was expecting. oh... and i saw a fox cross the road while i was walking home... i'm glad there still seem to be an abundance in the area. i = lovin tha foxes.
love to you.. whoever you may be today.
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| i'll find yoou find you.. |
[14 Nov 2003|09:42pm] |
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music |
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Hundred Reasons - I'll Find you |
] |
Straylight run Wed Jan 21st King Tut's Wah Wah Hut, Glasgow UK supporting Brand New
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i can't wait.. (yea, i knew about this for a while, its just sinking in that they'll be over here.. and i asked them when they would and they're coming.. YAY)
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| i forget again. what was i supposed to say? |
[13 Nov 2003|08:33pm] |
Millionaires say Got a big shot deal And thrown it all away but But I'm not too sure How I'm supposed to feel Or what I'm supposed to say But I'm not, not sure, Not too sure how it feels To handle every day And I miss you love
Make room for the prey 'Cause I'm coming in With what I wanna say but It's gonna hurt And I love the pain A breeding ground for hate but...
I'm not, not sure, Not too sure how it feels To handle everyday Like the one that just passed In the crowds of all the people
Remember today I've no respect for you And I miss you love And I miss you love
I love the way you love But I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back
It's just a fad Part of the, teen, teenage angst brigade and I'm not, not sure, Not too sure how it feels To handle everyday Like the one that just passed In the crowds of all the people
Remember today I've no respect for you And I miss you love And I miss you love
Remember today I've no respect for you And I miss you love And I missed you
I love the way you love But I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back...
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[12 Nov 2003|04:29pm] |
i'm just copying whiteshadow but here goes
JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
foof. quite a bit of that IS true.. specially the dressing up.. obv. ; )
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[09 Nov 2003|06:16pm] |
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yes, i'm an angsty motherfucker so i am.
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| idea stolen from nick... |
[08 Nov 2003|11:47pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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the kkk took my baby away - nofx and joey ramone |
] |
yes, if you know nick, you should understand. but see, mines looks better cause its an official poll.. anyways.. Poll #202272 the 'suggest a song' poll
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All what song shall i download? anything else you'd like to say?
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[04 Nov 2003|09:33pm] |
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music |
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Buzzcocks - Ever fallen In Love? |
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( quizzeness )
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| dali - martin grech |
[03 Nov 2003|10:17pm] |
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music |
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Martin Grech - Dali |
] |
bite down on cables. and choke on the wires. crowded headroom. lock me away. i'm not insane. a feeding frenzy a box for my appetite. strobe my vision. lock me away i'm not insane. its me again
[another self descriptive type song]
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| for sean: |
[03 Nov 2003|07:32pm] |
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music |
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Earth Crisis - Destroy the Machine, your own disaster - T.b.S. |
] |
i feel that this post sums up the whole situation completely:
Re(1): emberfolly IP: 81.107.59.140 Posted on November 1, 2003 at 07:34:09 PM by Kiebler
In reference to the above statement, I agree that it is true and utterly shambolic that my arse, as big as it is, bleeds twice fortnightly in compliance with statutory law and is responsible for 20% of third world debt. On this basis, fornication rules and neither I nor my wife will leave the planet of Krypton. My esteemed collegue and myself would like to state categorically that our bums are not(nor ever have been) gay. With this in mind we can positively conclude without bias, or favouritism, that we could not give a flying monkeyfuck about the territorial army, or its inclusion - passive or otherwise - in the contest for the leadership of the Conservative Party, as admirable as their intentions may be.
In conclusion to our previous conclusion we conclude that conclusions, though admirable, are fruitless and contribute little to the above statement, or indeed any statement. With this conclusion we would like to conclude our statement.
Thank you.
in other words.. its a lot of bollocks. *tuts* kids these days man.
btw, i hope the people didn't hand you over to the police.. i mean, cmon, you only chopped the kid up a wittle bit..
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| one with the freaks |
[02 Nov 2003|11:16am] |
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music |
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The Notwist - One With The Freaks |
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you'll no longer be kissed and kind as you long for intuition as you have to learn the lesson twice.
you'll no longer be kissed and kind as you long for intuition as you have to say the password twice
have you ever, have you ever, been all messed up? have you ever?
have you ever, have you ever, been all messed up? have you ever?
you're the pincard, you're the lifeguard, you're the information guy but things, look much bigger on the knees, and your knees. miss the signal miss the signpost, lose the access to it all and all of a sudden, you are one with the freaks
have you ever, have you ever, been all messed up? have you ever? have you ever, have you ever, been all messed up? have you ever? have you ever, have you ever, been all messed up? have you ever? have you ever, have you ever, been all messed up? have you ever?
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[01 Nov 2003|12:39am] |
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btw.. i'm missing my emogay lover dave, and our amazingly random hippo converations.
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